| There is just no way around it. If you want people to respect you, you must respect them. Of course, this is much easier said than done, when real people and real feelings are involved. Why should it be so difficult? What causes us to want to disrespect someone? To mistreat them based on certain physical characteristics? To harass them because they hold different cultural and religious views than we do? To taunt them because we think we are better than they are? To abuse them verbally or physically? To curse them? What good can come of such behavior? How productive can such an outlook be? Why would anyone want to knowingly impact their spiritual and physical health so negatively? Can you imagine being on the receiving end of such negativity? Life would be so dismal. You would run the other way if you saw such a person walking in your direction. You would want to make du`aa' (Arabic for: supplication) to Almighty Allah to help such person guard their tongue, their hands, and their legs. Ironically enough, such people do not even respect themselves, let alone respect others. However, there is just no way around it; if you want people to respect you, you have to first respect yourself and then learn to appreciate and respect others. Respecting Oneself As a Muslim youth, it is incumbent upon you to know that as long as you are in line with the teachings of Islam, you are counted among the believers, those whom Almighty Allah has honored and who are worthy of the respect of others by virtue of their righteous conduct and of being of service to their family and community. As a young person, you might be dealing with the concept of respect for yourself in a few ways: 1. You might not have given much thought to the idea of having respect for yourself; 2. You might respect yourself but are having trouble getting others to respect you; 3. You might be arrogant about who you are and are confusing that arrogance and pride with respecting yourself; 4. You might have come to the premature conclusion that you are not worthy of respect. Which option applies to you? Do more than one option apply to you? None of them? The ideal situation is, of course, that you are confident as being a Muslim and as having whatever additional identities based on race, ethnicity, or nationality. A sense of confidence comes from knowing what defines who you are. In the case of Muslims, our identity stems first from our accepting that Almighty Allah is our Lord and that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) is Allah's last and final messenger, and second from fulfilling our duties to Almighty Allah, to our parents, our family and our community. Islam is your religion, your way of life, because Almighty Allah has chosen this religion for you. He tells us in the Qur'an, (This day have I perfected your religion for you, completed My favor upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion) (Al-Ma'idah 5:3). You were selected by Almighty Allah much like every single newborn is destined by Almighty Allah to be a Muslim. The beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) told us, in a hadith narrated by Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him), "No child is born except on Al-Fitrah [i.e. Islam] and then his parents make him or her Jewish, Christian, or Magian" (Al-Bukhari). There is, therefore, so much that you have to be proud of when you say that you are a Muslim, because after all, you are from among the over-one-billion people around the world who willingly submit themselves to Almighty Allah. You also respect yourself because as a Muslim who has a strong relationship with Almighty Allah. You can wake up every morning and face yourself in the mirror without guilt and shame for the kind of life you are living. Respecting Others Regrettably, some young people end up becoming confused in the process of affirming their sense of pride and self-respect. Instead of being content with who they are and striving to be better, they become inclined toward disrespecting others and trying to negate their existence. This is a conduct and outlook unworthy of a Muslim. It does not matter whether the person being disrespected is Muslim or not, disrespecting others is just not acceptable. Youth of all backgrounds attempt to define themselves by highlighting or by suppressing certain parts of their identity. Simply because you are unfamiliar or uncomfortable with the particular aspect they might be highlighting, you are not in any way entitled to ridicule them or to disrespect them. Doing so goes against the tradition of Prophet Muhammad, which we are ordered to follow, and ends up impacting you and the other person negatively. Every time you disrespect someone, you gain an ounce of negativity and lose an ounce of respect for yourself. You end up marginalizing that other person and potentially causing him or her emotional pain and sadness. In a hadith narrated by `Abdullah bin `Amr (may Allah be pleased with him), we learn that "Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) neither talked in an insulting manner nor did he ever speak evil intentionally. He used to say, 'The most beloved to me among you is the one who has the best character and manners'" (Al-Bukhari). This indicates clearly that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did not distinguish, in general terms, between those who were Muslim and those who were not Muslim in terms of the manner in which he treated them. Clearly, there will be people with whom you are just not clicking or whose personalities rub you the wrong way and even people whose behavior is considered outright sinful. No matter what the circumstance, no matter how much you disagree with someone or whose views, even religious, are different than your own, you should try first to put yourself in their shoes and understand why they are who they are or why they believe what they believe. Doing so never means you have to accept their views or to even agree with them. However, you do owe the other person a certain level of respect as a fellow human being. If you truly believe that person is misguided in his or her beliefs or that he or she are in need of help, you can and should, of course, make du`aa' to Almighty Allah to guide them, but you cannot and should not judge them. It is not our decision; rather, it is Almighty Allah Who decides the fate of all of us, Muslim or not. Should you advise people? Of course, you should but do so in the Qur'anic tradition with wisdom and in a beautiful manner. Final Thoughts How do you get along with others? In general, if you have few challenges in dealing with other people, then you are already familiar with the basic etiquette of respecting people for who they are. The problem often arises when we start to be too sure of our identity, too proud of who we are, and adopt an air of superiority. That is a slippery slope and often ends with us viewing everyone else as unworthy of respect because, well, "they are not like us and they should be!" If you choose to disrespect others, be prepared to deal with the mutual negativity that is bound to exist. Turn the situation around by reminding yourself that everyone is created by Almighty Allah and worthy at of respect at the most basic level as a fellow human being. Ultimately, if you respect others, they will most often respect you back!
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